How to Become a Nun

eHow has the penultimate guide. Their guide includes details like Convert to Catholicism, Don't get married or divorced, Take temporary vows, etc.

This is penultimate, of course, because the ultimate guide to becoming a Nun of the Convent resides on MBC.

The Medievalist's Guide to Becoming a Nun

1. Convert to Success. Desire it, surround your life with it, and hang pictures of Susan Rice on your vision board.

2. Forget about having a relationship. If you do, it will drain away time from Success. If you don't, you will be a more Successful nun. Those with past relationships are OK, it will give you angst and sufficient memories to fuel your dreams for the next 4 years.

3. Graduate from high school. The Convent requires all incoming Nuns to have seen High School Musical 3, read Kate Chopin and have a working knowledge of popular expletives.

4. Pretend to look at other Convents. People come and say, oh, but I'm thinking about Holyoke, or Smith, or Vassar, but that's not really a Convent any more as much as a Mixed Place for Successful people... but they know they're lying. All who come know where the true Convent is.

5. Identify orgs and majors immediately. These will become your lifeblood while at the Convent, so it is best to know them NOW.

6. Contact an unholy number of professors, org advisors, students, deans and cafeteria ladies to convince your parents you will succeed in the Convent.

7. Attend Spring Open Campus and be bedazzled by the Chapel to Western Postmodernism and the glamour of the existing Nuns. Also, draw smiley faces on the class-colored balloons.

8. Sleep on the cell floor. Once will convince you we have the best floors in the monastic world.

9. Submit your deposit. Your parents will wring their hands and try to remember that Hillary Clinton is a successful human being and not just someone who made incorrect marital decisions. Remind them that she did get married, and has anybody noticed that all the troubles in the Obama administration have not been caused by this Nun?

10. Enter the Convent. Be prepared for late-night swims, unsustainable hours of work, sleeping in the Science Center and knowing the location of Finnegan's Wake in the Clapp.

What can I say? We are truly devoted.